Guest Post -- Rocksmith Rant

Editor:   I hand over the virtual reigns to somebody who sent me this.   As always, it is unedited by yours truly.

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Yeah, hi.    Here's this for you if you want it.    Whatever.


The Ubisoft-published game Rocksmith is an excellent teaching tool, for those that want to take the work, in bridging the gap between colored button music games and playing.    It's a lot of hard work though, and few of the skills from the games (such as Rock Band and Guitar Hero) actually transfer.  Mostly timing-related and some dexterity things, but little else of actual use.   Sorry everyone who wasted all that time (mostly) in learning how to get 100% on every song on Guitar Hero III on eXpert Guitar.

Like the essentially failed specialty Squier guitar + MIDI adapter for Rock Band 3 (RB3),  Rocksmith purports to help people learn how to play, and in practice it works surprisingly well.  The layout of the on-screen 6 x 24 fretboard seems a much easier way to perceive notes versus the way its done in RB3, although the selection of songs is much broader in RB3.    (However, the "precursor" to Rocksmith was Guitar Rising which seems to have had a much more entertaining set list overall, for the most part.)  Zooming in and out on the fretboard is sometimes confusing though, but nothing that can't be dealt with.

Overall, when Rocksmith says any guitar (which they mean any amplified guitar with 1/4" output) they mean it, so a fifty dollar beater guitar or a prized multi-thousand dollar works.  Unlike the few choices available for RB3, which is the only other game for a console (PS3 or 360 or Wii) that is a choice.    The selections for a PC music-game-wise are a wider bunch of selections, but that's an entire other rant.   (Although one should be aware in some way that in the non-console world, there are alternatives and competitors.)

In addition, with the newest version of Rocksmith or with the add-on, for bass on a real bass guitar, it's the only choice.   All that exists in RB3 is an emulation mode for the guitars, which frankly is a sub-standard waste of time for most anything.    It's almost as unlike playing a bass guitar as a violin is unlike a piano.

This isn't about how good Rocksmith is though, which it is, or an attempt to compare it to RB3, they're really different things.  (For those wishing to read more about the game itself, we suggest here at Wikipedia.)

No, this is mostly a rant about what sucks about Rocksmith.

These comments are XBOX 360 centric, but we imagine most everything applies to some extent for the PS3 and PC.  (There is no Wii version; even the PS3 and 360 struggle with some aspects.)

When you start out with the game, the corporate involvement of Gibson is apparent.   Not that there's anything wrong with that, but we should begin easy in our whining.

Some of the first screens are annoying, such as having to actually press start (no green A button) something even Rock Band stopped doing.   They also demand nothing be in between the guitar (bass guitar) and the console, but the problem is the Real Tone cable has a straight plug, problematic when playing sitting down on any guitar that has a bottom side plug.     We solved that problem with an "L cable" and a passive tuner as a connector (thru) in between the instrument and the Real Tone Cable and the console.   In use, having that setup or going directly made zero difference at any time.   So what they probably mean is don't process the signal with effects equipment and such, because you'll add to the delay, or some such, and also such processing is not necessary anyway.

This is one of the first of the issues with what they mean and what they say.    The fact that this program went through a number of designers and companies is very apparent.

On a side note, if you are buying this game used, the Real Tone cable runs about $25 or $30 on its own.   The game with guitar and bass guitar included, and the cable,  now sells for $38.   Yes, sorry everyone who spent some $40 for game and cable and then $30 for the bass DLC, yes that includes us.   Which of course that sucks too.   As it does also for those that spent $80 on it, and even more so for those who spent $80 and then another $30.    The point being, if you need a cable, you might as well just buy the game because it's the same cable for all platforms.   Which is another thing that sucks, you can't use any other cable like the $10 USB to 1/4" digital to analog cables, just this one.   Not surprising, but you know.

One thing that sucks is that at times the game complains that the signal from the guitar is too loud.    Well, you have to set the instrument to max level and the other sounds lower in the game and turn the output of the instrument all the way up to hear it well, and it's no fun playing and not hearing yourself.   (Although the game recognizes the notes anyway most of the time even if you turn it down and you can't hear it, to a certain point.)

The arcade games are okay, but start "too easy" and quickly become "too difficult" and you have to restart at the start each time.   Rather sucks, although can be useful to practice in some ways, but of limited use when you can't control it.

Often while playing, a blurb comes up suggesting tone is active and to try playing.   That means the guitar is being amped.   The problem is that most of the time, it's only on for a short time, so playing is frustrating when it stops, and it's also mostly at a time when the player is doing something else and wouldn't want to play.   So it takes a while to ignore it, which also having to learn to ignore it, well, sucks.

Tuning.   Fucking tuning.  God Damn fucking tuning.     Every single song except perversely enough, the only time it matters, during a performance.  Practicing?   Tune!   Doing a technique?  Playing an arcade game? Entering Riff Repeater?   TUNE TUNE TUNE.   We can see the need to have an in-tune guitar when the game is recognizing notes, but it gets tiring to the extreme.   It's more than annoying, especially when one of the quirks decides your Drop-D E string isn't, or when it can't figure out what's going on with your A string.    Hey, how about letting us tune it manually or in game when things start going wonky, not every single time.  Especially since it can and does happen during playing, and you've made no allowance for that.    Guitars aren't that delicate, jfc.

The menus for picking things.   What retarded chimp programmed this crap mess of a garbage heap.      If you want to go from one section (arbitrarily chopped into bits that are too big or too small it seems) of the song to another, you have to back all the way out and repick the same song -- made especially annoying by the song selection method.

You see, you don't end up back on the same song, and you can't sort the songs.    You get the first song in the list (which is a pretty annoying song) every single time, and all you can do is move through the songs in the order they're in where it accelerates (in some freakish stupid way) by letter of the first word in the song title.     No sorting by band, or genre, or album, or picking.    At the least, if we're practicing Sunshine  take us back to it!!

And events.   When practicing for events, it lists the songs and additions that it wants you to do.   You have to go back to the hidden choice of the event to pick something different to practice for a song, unless you've qualified.    Then it's not there, so you have to go to the main menu and go through the songs (starting at the beginning of course) and practice it out of the event.

Which Master Events.   Yes, max out all phrases (get 100% in some way, in practice or Riff Repeater, etc) and get over 100,000 points you can do the Master Event.    This means you can't see anything for the notes, in a game where you are conditioned to match the sounds and timing with the playing.   It's jarring.   Which of course, you also have to qualify for the Master Event by practicing it with seeing nothing either.    Give us some fucking sheet music or tabs you douchebags, or at least tell us we should go find sheet music or tabs to practice with.    There's nothing there in game to help at all learning to play the song blind; such information would be great.

What makes that worse is that you have to qualify with a score to play it in the Master Event, and that score is essentially (if you've played the song in an event a few times) impossible to get by playing it normally, even getting 100% on everything on it.  Such as the song by the Pixies on bass.    And there's a score requirement to pass the Master Event at those qualifying scores.   The heavy suckage about that?    Yes, they don't fucking bother to tell you about the score requirements, or that the "we can't see the notes like you've been training us to rely upon" mode gives much higher scores than the "we can see the notes you've linked in our minds to playing".    The reliance on colors and shapes is a common crutch that is a failing of all such methods of learning, but at least we'd expect they'd tell us in-game beforehand!!!

Now here's one that they can totally suck my cock for.   You fucking lazy fucks, I want to punch in your ugly mother rapping homosapien faces.   Regardless if you're playing guitar or bass guitar, during tuning (ugh, fucking tuning) there's a messages up top.    What ever do they say?   WELL I'LL TELL YOU.   They insist that you check if you are on a bass guitar or a regular guitar.  What?   WHAT?    Okay, that is just so fucking lazy programming, are you sure you want to quit you'll lose all unsaved progress, love on my dick three times baby, once for tomorrow, and twice more yesterday, you lazy fucks.

Do they think I just switched out the six-string higher-octave guitar that has B and e (IN OCTAVES A BASS GUITAR CAN'T EVER USUALLY PLAY AT ALL ANYWAY) for a bass?   Or the other direction, that I suddenly took a four-string bass guitar (that typically plays an  E that an electric guitar can't....) and plugged it in instead?

HEY YOU FUCKING GENIUSES (not) WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

See, they recognize the notes by digitizing the actual sounds, where it's so easy to tell the difference between playing an A1 and a B3 (or whatever) that even a retarded chimp could program that....    Okay, actually, I guess they couldn't, since they didn't.

What else.   Um I guess the detection for hammer-on/pull-off , slide, sustain and such (when you're trying to max a phrase in practice etc) could use a little work, it can get frustrating.   Sometimes that sucks.

The DLC, it's fine, but rather pricey at $3 each song.   Some songs are worth that, others aren't.  There's also the thing that you may like the song, but it's way too difficult for you.   They have these value packs, but some halfish the songs in each are pretty sucky, making you debate if even if it was free it would be worth the space on the hard drive and having to scroll through it in the menus you're scrolling through so often.   So the song packs aren't really any bargain at all.  

Ah, right, DLC.    So one time they have Pantera, all rocking out and what have you.  Which I'm sure they edit the lyrics to the point it's not worth bothering with (a common problem with all these wussies pussies publishing music games cowards).     But then they follow it up with DLC of Nickelback or whatever crap bands, Fallout Boy, totally overriding the cool with lame.    Still, don't get it if you don't like it, and there's probably a whole bunch of people that would love to have a vagina start growing between their legs that's their own, right?   Never leave the house.

And.....   That's pretty much it.   I'm all ranted out.   If you want to use this feel free.